Thursday, January 8, 2015

10 Things I Have Learned About Planning a Wedding (Since I Got Engaged)

I've been engaged for 2 whole weeks now! Hooray! Wedding planning is fun, right!? Not all of it! So here are some things that I have learned about wedding planning since I got engaged.

1. Find an awesome location for your ceremony? They want $20,000 dollars just to rent the space. Oh and they won't tell you that on their website. You have to email or call them for their rates so they don't scare the initial shit out of you.
I mean all I'm doing is walking around on your property and having my friends come hang out and stuff.

2. If it looks fancy, it's expensive. Real damn expensive.
These invites are beautiful, but are they $3,000 dollars beautiful? Uhhh... nuhhh.

3. If it has anything to do with the "w" word, it's going to cost you more.
Me: "I'm looking for pricing on an up-do on Saturday, Oct..."
Awesome Hair Chick: "Oh okay my up-do rate is $60 dollars."
Me: "Okay great I would love to do a trial with you sometime soon."
Awesome Hair Chick: "Oh this is for your wedding? Congratulations! My rate is $250 dollars for weddings."

4. If the venue/vendor/anything has ever been featured in a magazine, they are more expensive.
I have all of these accolades and stuff and therefore I can rape you in the butt with my prices!

5. Pinterest is actually NOT very helpful at planning a wedding.
If you think that the link will take you to the actual designer of the dress you are WRONG. It will probably take you to some Chinese dress maker that doesn't speak English. And talk about distractions. Try searching for "bridesmaids dresses" and then you see cute bridal party robes and then you go to Etsy to see the prices and then you have a minor coronary.

6. Just because it's a new or different idea, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Hello awkward walk down the aisle making eye contact with every single guest.

Those guests sitting towards the center of the X are going to be really comfortable all night shoving their chairs in to each other.

7. Apparently there is an acceptance for calling your best friends "bitches" when it comes to inviting them to stand next to you, hold your dress while you pee, and put up with you on the most stressful day of your life.
Really? Like no.

8. There are a bunch of things that are not that exciting that you have to remember to plan for.
Damn you stamps, and taxes, and tips, and other boring stuff.

9. Even when you get a bunch of stuff for free, your wedding will still cost a lot of money.
Dis chick got a free venue, free officiant, free dress, free accessories, free hair, free makeup, and free groom's attire and she still paid 23 grand for her wedding.

10. Find the dress of your dreams? Expect to drive all over God's green earth to try it on.
Because of course the dress of your dreams (for now) is in their new Spring line and it hasn't arrived at any store within 150 miles of you. And then once you do try on this dream dress it will probably look like crap on you because who really knows what will flatter their body the best?

So that my friends is what I have learned about planning a wedding. Good thing we don't have a date set yet!

I have got a few things accomplished like the color palette and how I want my hair to look. The important stuff, ya know?


  1. Okay A, hair is SUPER important by the way!!!! And B, are they kidding with that cross shaped seating arrangement?!?! It's not just the inside corners, how about the 3 people at each end "knee making out" all through dinner?

  2. P.S. How great is all of this going to be for material ala your resolution to blog more frequently?


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